Today is a very special day for me. Many people would look back on this day a year ago with horror, sadness, and dread. However, I not only choose to look back but to also smile! I look back and review all of the progress I have made! I have so much to be thankful for and be proud of!

You may be wondering now what happened one year ago. I was in a very miserable and somewhat abusive marriage. I knew then I only had two choices because I could not live another day like that! I either had to take a leap of faith and leave or commit suicide! I am a Mother and I could not be so selfish as to leave my Daughter all alone so I had to muster up the courage to leave! I was scared out of my mind but I did it! I could not allow the fear of failure to paralyze me this time because I was past my breaking point!

We had to stay in the battered women’s shelter until we could get on our feet. That was an experience in itself! Not all of the women there are a joy to live and interact with. The conditions were quite rough. However, it was well worth it to get out of my miserable and hopeless marriage. As a Mother, I had to protect my Daughter was any further abuse.

My life was a complete mess one year ago! I was married to the wrong man and to say that I was miserable was an understatement. He was a liar, cheater, and abusive to us.
I hated myself for ever loving that man and marrying him. He kept me completely stressed out with his irresponsible behavior! He would rather eat out most of the time than pay the bills. Four cars were repossessed during our marriage. Our car insurance was lapsed more than it was in effect. He kept getting traffic citations. I was the one that had to fix all of his messes. I felt like his Mother more than a Wife. I was exhausted from always trying to right the wrongs and suffering from the consequences of his actions.

Well, enough about him and the past because this blog is about me and my future! I have come a long way baby! I have accomplished and learned so much over this past year!

I am back in college and I am majoring in Psychology. I am proud to share that I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA! I amaze myself every week when I get my grades!

I bought my own car and I have made every payment on time! I maintain my own car insurance without lapse! I have my own apartment and I pay the rent on time. I live quite the charmed life now compared to when I was married! My life is very peaceful and stress free as possible. You have no idea how good it feels to be in control of my own life and make my own decisions! I have so much peace of mind now!

I have healed a great deal but I still need to do more. I have not dated anyone but I feel that is for the best. I am taking time to work on me. I am getting to know myself better as well as learning to love and respect myself.

I am no longer a victim! I am now a strong and resilient woman! I may have crashed and burned but I have risen from the ashes and now I am back and better than ever! I go to bed at night with satisfaction and I wake up with enthusiasm and determination! You have no idea how good it feels to wake up in the morning and be excited about my life! It is an amazing feeling after waking up with dread and fear for so many years!

I have learned so much over the past year about myself and relationships. One major thing is that “like” attracts “like!” I have come to realize that I have been living in a self-destructive and infinite loop. My Father was abusive and I never learned to love myself. I never acquired self-esteem. I never developed self-respect. I am not placing all of the blame on my Father. I do take responsibility now and are now investing in myself and learning all of these things.

However, I now see why my love life was always so messy. I did not love or respect myself so how could I attract a man that would really do so in a healthy manner? I had no self-esteem or self-worth so I would attract losers!

As a result of this epiphany I am doing all that I can to change myself. Some people are very supportive others not so much. So I have learned to pull weeds. The people who do not support my new life get removed from my life. I only deserve the very best now!
I have learned that I am in control of me and my life! No one can hurt me or make me feel in any way that I do not approve of without my permission!

I am replacing my old bad habits with positive ones. I now go to the gym and work out at least 5 days a week. I now choose to practice positive thinking instead of negative thinking and allowing myself to be paralyzed by fear! I recite and meditate on positive affirmations daily! I try to do this at least 3 times a day!

I now do things to raise my self-esteem and self-worth. College is a big part of this! I also practice positive visualization and self-recognition for my daily accomplishments. I have learned to trust and believe in myself.

Now that I have seen what I am capable of my only regret is that I did not leave sooner. However, I realize that I cannot keep looking back. I need to focus on the here and now. I work daily on investing in my future. All I can do is look at my past mistakes as learning and growth opportunities.

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